


love is confusing; life is hard

by Bryellii



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Comfort, Figuring Things Out, Happy Ending, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-08 08:12:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15926408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bryellii/pseuds/Bryellii
Summary: It's when Shiro backs off that he realizes that maybe he isn't so certain about what he wants.





	love is confusing; life is hard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miaou Jones (miaoujones)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/gifts).



> For Miaou. Happy birthday!
> 
> I've never written for VLD before, and I really hope that I was able to portray the characters well.
> 
> Personally, I've always wanted to write about trans Keith, but I've never had the inspiration to fully complete a single chapter. So, I'd just like to thank you for having inspired me over the years.
> 
> I had originally planned on another gift, though it was trashed only sentences in due to its poor quality. Hopefully this will make up for it.
> 
> I'm certain none of my works can compare to yours, but I hope you enjoy the story, nonetheless.
> 
> ~Shy anon (if you still remember me <3)

The first year of high school is always the most difficult. Especially when you’re new, open. Not in the sense that you’ve just moved to a new district, no. Moreso that it’s when you change yourself.

It’s Keith’s freshman year when he’s officially adopted the name. The “he” is also adopted, but nobody has to know that.

He thinks of himself as new, and so do all the others who he’s been acquainted with throughout his years of elementary and middle school. After all, he’s completely changed his appearance. The once light hair he had has gone dark, cut short and trimmed just right so that he isn’t identified. His clothes are baggy, two sizes too large on him, but he hasn’t gotten a binder. Not yet. Soon, hopefully.

He’s contacted his doctor, asked about taking testosterone to grow stubble, have a deeper voice. The entire summer he spent locked up in his apartment with his legal guardian, living and suffering through the voice cracks as his voice became deeper and deeper. Not ideal, but he had been excused from his martial arts training. He’ll just have to train twice as hard, he supposes.

The first person to approach him in homeroom is Pidge. They hadn’t talked much throughout grade school, not until Keith’s rivalry with Lance officially started. She’s a friend, he supposes.

“Hi,” Pidge says, sliding into the seat beside Keith. “I noticed that you’re new here, and all I want to say is that if you need a guide, I’d be happy to help out. The halls are difficult to navigate through, believe me. I spent all morning trying to find my locker- turns out I was on the complete opposite end of the school! Crazy, right?”

Rambling has always been a quirk that Pidge has. It’s cute, in its own annoying way, but Keith would never tell her that. Probably.

He takes a deep breath, not wanting to go off on the brunette. She can’t help it when she rambles, so it’s not her fault. But it’s when she starts drifting away and talking about how she’d spent the summer with Hunk that he decides to cut her off.

“Green, it’s me.” A nickname only reserved to their group, no-one else. Lance gave them out, his only justification being that Pidge often reminds him of a boy in an ushanka from a show that they watch regularly on the weekends. Keith almost misses eighth grade for that reason, but he’d never admit it. He refuses to admit that any time spent with Lance is even remotely nice.

“Red?”

“Blue’s least favourite colour.” Which is exactly why Lance nicknamed him that in the first place. Similar to anger, fire. A trait that Keith is ashamed to be associated with.

By lunchtime, everyone is aware of who he is.

 

*** * ***

 

Junior year is probably the worst time to figure out that you’re gay. At least, that’s what Shiro says. He’s always suspected it, and he’s hated himself for it. He’s had girlfriends before, lots of girlfriends. But only because he’d been in denial for so long. All of those firsts wasted on women who he didn’t like, could never like. He’s gone through a lot within the past five years, jumping back and forth between being aro, straight, or simply ace. His first girlfriend had kissed him and admitted she loved him, would only ever want Shiro to be her first. The feelings were not mutual, but he went along with it, anyways. Movie dates felt more like a get together with a friend. Her heart was fragile, and shattered with only one word: “No.”

The second girlfriend was taller than Shiro. Butch, almost, with her pixie cut and muscular limbs. She could have easily hurt him, had he refused a first date. That thought alone scared him into submission, but they never went on a second date.

“Sorry,” she had said, “It’s just not going to work out.”

Shiro sees her around sometimes, she sees him too, but is usually far too busy with her girlfriend to direct attention towards him.

It’s angering that she only used him to figure things out, but he realizes that he’s just no better.

The third and fourth girlfriends were already a couple when they decided to ask Shiro out together. “You’re cute,” the third said. “It’s something we’ve been considering,” the fourth added.

He had his first time with those two girls. They’d been so nice, taking things slowly and praising him when it was appropriate. He’d lost all hardness only halfway through, and their session had been cut short.

He never accompanied them again.

That’s all in the past, though. No need to dwell, no need to think about.

7th period rolls around, and Shiro finds his assigned seat to be beside a freshman who he’s never seen nor met before. May as well get acquainted now, otherwise partner work will be awkward.

“Hey there,” he says, pulling out his chair.

“Hi,” the other boy responds with, not even taking a glance towards the junior.

“Name’s Shiro.”

“...Keith.”

The freshman doesn’t say much else, and Shiro wonders if he’d done something wrong. Or maybe he’s just shy? Either way, it’s a possibility that maybe partner work will be more awkward than he thought it would be.

Halfway through class, Shiro takes notice of another freshman. His appearance contrasts greatly to that of Keith’s, and from the way that he’s kicking at the ravenette’s chair, it’s obvious that they dislike each other to some degree.

And as soon as Keith turns around, it takes Shiro all he can not to glance over at the two.

“What the fuck is your problem, Lance?” He hears Keith practically growl, and it’s a name that Shiro recognizes easily. He was the one who won them last year’s season of baseball, after all.

“Jesus, don’t get your panties in a twist.” From the corner of his eye, Shiro can see Keith wince. “We’re doing partner work. You should work with me.”

“Go work with Hunk.”

“But he’s with Pidge!”

“Well, I’m not working with you.” And that’s when Keith faces forward, picking up his lead pencil once more.

“So, Shiro,” Keith says, and Shiro now has all of his attention placed on the other, “What did you get for question twelve?”

Admittedly, Shiro is still only on #4. He’s not the best at algebra, but he’s getting the hang of it. Sorta. It’s a little embarrassing for him to still be in this class.

“I, uh.”

“Don’t have it,” Keith finishes for him, then takes a glance at Shiro’s paper. “Are you trying to flunk out for the year already?” He suddenly asks, and Shiro can feel the colour drain from his face.

“That. Was not my intention, no,” he replies, watching those smaller hands reach over and pull his paper away, answers all being erased.

“PEMDAS, Shiro.”

“What?”

“Please excuse my dear aunt Sally? You know. Parentheses, exponents, multiplication and division, addition and subtraction? It’s the basic rule for equations.”

“Oh.” Keith laughs at him a little, and Shiro can feel his face grow warm. Whether Keith is laughing at him or the way he said ‘oh’ is debatable.

But then Keith is explaining how he goofed up, fixing the mistakes he had made. It’s a nice gesture, but it’s making Shiro feel kinda stupid. Especially since a freshman understands the problem better than a junior who’s taken the class for the third time now. Nonetheless, he watches as Keith shows him how to do the first problem correctly. The second and third go the same way, but then they arrive at question four, and the pencil is being held out to Shiro.

“You try,” Keith says, waving it around a little as he waits for the other boy to take hold of it.

“I- okay.”

Just as Keith had done earlier, Shiro writes out the problem to the side instead of attempting to do the math in his head, as he’d been doing before. He follows the rules that he’d been told, makes sure to keep things in the correct order. Keith watches closely the entire time, only once making a comment on how he missed a step, and by the time that Shiro is on question five, the bell goes off.

The only thing Keith leaves behind is his phone number.

That was the day that Shiro remembers the best. There have been so many more moments with Keith since then, but they all pale in comparison. Possibly because that was the day that he met the love of his life.

They’re currently occupying Keith’s room, the door closed and locked up and the curtains and blinds concealing them from the outside world, away from those who would judge him, judge _them_.

Graduation for Shiro is tomorrow, and he’s nervous, really fucking nervous. He still has yet to turn eighteen, but his birthday is far off, happening next year. He’d been put in classes a little earlier than other kids, as his parents always pushed for education as a priority. They gushed over how much better educated their little boy was, so he would never dare tell them how he had to get a tutor in algebra. Said tutor being Keith, the boy who he was slowly lowering down onto his back.

It seemed like hours now, that they had been kissing for. Shiro’s lips were a little numb, possibly swollen, as he sucked another breath from Keith, breathing it in himself, then breathing back out. They hadn’t dared to go further than kissing, that is, not until tonight. Pulling away for even a mere second caused Keith to pull Shiro back down to him, arms snaking around his neck as the kisses lowered, now being placed on Keith’s neck instead of his lips.

It’s when Shiro goes to grind his hips down that he stops, pulls back.

“You- um. You’re not… hard?” He has to ask, having felt nothing down there.

“I am,” Keith breathes out, “Just not. In the case you mean.”

It takes a moment to process, but eventually it clicks.

“So, you’re..?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I. I can’t- be here,” Shiro says as he stumbles out of the bed, away from Keith. The door is unlocked while he slings his backpack over his shoulder.

“Shiro, wait-” Keith goes to say, but Shiro is already gone.

He doesn’t even look back.


End file.
